Gender is a social construction; a category of difference invested with meaning. As Simone du Beauvoir states: “one is not born a woman; one becomes a woman”. In light of our assigned readings this week, please write (in 4 paragraphs) a mini-“gender autobiography” for yourself. The two readings for your on-line module are larger examples of this. Make this a personal story. Think of your early years, how was gender inscribed by the key people and institutions in your life? What were the primary expectations about how you were to behave, think, feel, etc. Did you ever feel limitations or restraints (or advantages) for what you could and could not do; who you could and could not be based on dominant gender assumptions? Then, as you have grown, how do you “do gender”; in what ways do you perform, practice, embody your gender? What are the dominant “scripts” that influence how you “do gender”? Where do they come from? Do you ever challenge gender normativity or normative gender differences? How?
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ReplyDeleteWhen my parents found out they were having a girl, they were so excited! My mom already had my name picked out, Samantha. She said she loved this name because it could be shortened to Sam. (She didn’t want to just name me Sam because my name would have been Sam Adams, and well, I’m sure you understand why!) As I grew up, everyone called me Sam. When my little brother was born, I was introduced to a whole new concept, little boys! I began to understand that I wore the clothes that I did because I was a girl, and my brother wore the clothes he did because he was a boy. As he began potty training, I noticed that he would stand up to use the bathroom, and this fascinated me. One day my mother caught me trying to stand up also, and obviously I got in trouble because that doesn’t work out so well for girls. I began to realize that there were certain things that boys and girls just do differently.
ReplyDeleteAs we got older, we moved into a large neighborhood. There weren’t that many girls my age, but there were a lot of boys my age and my brothers age. We would always play together, and I felt like “one of the guys.” We would ride bikes, play in the mud, shoot basketball, throw the football, you know, typical boy activities! This all began to change around the 4th grade. I started hanging out with girls more; I spent the night with my friends and no longer hung out with the guys. I began being concerned with things like where my clothes came from, how much I weighed, what my hair looked like for school, and I started getting my first real “crushes.” My attitude did a complete 360, I was no longer a content, playful child, I was an angry, hostile pre-teen. Oh, and did I mention I was a complete dork? I had glasses and I loved to read. In the 5th grade, I got braces. Poor me, I had double nerdy things. Glasses and Braces?? Thanks Mom!
I moved schools in the 7th grade and found a new set of friends. I fit in much better, and I started letting my true self show without caring what anyone thought about it. I wasn’t embarrassed of my love to read, I figured out that anyone can love to read. I tried out for the volleyball team, and made it. I was proud of the fact that I was an athletic girl. I had my first “boyfriend” who I never talked to. And When he broke up with me, I cried my eyes out. Looking back now, I can’t explain why I was so upset. I didn’t have any real feelings for him. Middle school also brought my first fights with girls, and I realized how much I actually hated most of them. In 8th grade, I started dating my first REAL boyfriend. We have now dated for 5 years, and I am amazed that I found the love of my life in middle school. The drama with girls got a little better in high school, but not much. It was really just a more mature type of drama. I lost friends, and gained new ones. But no matter what I went through, I stayed true to myself. I made good grades, and I wasn’t embarrassed that some people considered me a “nerd.” I played volleyball all throughout high school and felt empowered by the fact that I was a smart, athletic, young woman.
I applied for my first job after 9th grade, a position for the board of education. I would be a textbook employee over the summer, a job formally filled by all boys. When the supervisor called my mom to inform her that I couldn’t have the job because I was a girl, she replied with “Let the board know they will be getting Title 9 filed on them for not allowing a female to hold this position simply because she is a girl.” I received the job two weeks later, and my eyes were opened to how unequal our world can still be today towards women. I worked for them every summer in high school.
Now, as a college student halfway through with my freshman year, I am proud of the fact that I have made it as far as I have. I am not ashamed of “doing gender.” I am happy to say that I am a white blonde female; I have never been ashamed of this. I was born this way, and I’m proud to stay this way. (Roll Tide!)
It is true, one is not born a woman, but becomes one. In fact, I was supposed to be Michael Jacob Mays, clearly that is not the case anymore. I was predicted to be a boy until i came out of the womb. I grew up in a household where the woman ran the show. It wasn't your "typical" chain of commands, but it worked for us. Even when my parents divorced, my dad continued to be the more laid-back sensitive one, and my mom continued to be the main provider who worked all day. Sure, she still did all the cooking and cleaning, but I think that was more because she was a control freak. With this as my example, I had never been exposed to your typical "American Family", or what people thought should be your American Family, where the wife stayed home to cook and clean and the husband went out to work every day.
ReplyDeleteGrowing up, I was you typical girly girl, who painted her nails for fun and thought Justin Timberlake was God. I played barbies and danced to spice girls. I have never been good at sports, so I turned to dance as my "hobby", which soon turned into my life.In fact, the one time I played soccer, I scored for the other team. I was the girl on the playground that would run around kissing all the boys, some may say that still continues today.With multiple parental influences in my life, I was pulled in many different directions on who to become and act like. I stayed strong in my girly ways. Throughout elementary and middle school, I was continually teased for my name being a "boys" name. At the time, I hated it and wished I had more of a girls name like Amanda or Madison. Now, I look back and am thankful for my unisex name, it has only made me a stronger human being.
In high school, I always had a boyfriend, but continued the family tradition of being the leader in the relationship. I took charge and whatever I said was what happened. Throughout my high school career, I had a lot of family struggles. It had broken me down and eventually led me to not have any trust in guys. I would go in and out of giving in to guys needs and feeling lower than them.
It wasn't until very recently that I figured out about who I really am. From about senior year on, I have been "one of the guys". Not having a care in the world. I am no longer a girly girl. I don't get dressed up, or care how I look. I am always included in their "bro" conversations. One of the biggest struggles I have had with being in the south has been everyone having this notion that girls should cater to the man's needs. With me wanting to be a psychiatrist and probably be the main caretaker in the family. It is hard for me to realize what the world sees as normal. Throughout my life I have realized that not only am I a woman, but I have grown into a woman in my own way.
When my parents found out they were having a baby girl, they were beyond excited! They were so excited that they decided not to tell anyone that I was a girl until I was born. I already had two olders brothers when I was born, 5 and 7 years apart from me. I remember my mom telling me when I was younger how excited my brothers were to have a baby sister. Little did they know what they were going to have to put up with!
ReplyDeleteBeing a little girl with two older brothers, made me a very tough kid! I always wanted to play with them and keep up with them but it was kinda hard since they were so much older than me. And not to mention, I got on there nevres a lot. I remember my brothers always out playing in the yard getting all dirty and sweaty and then there was me. All dressed up in foo foo dresses with a big bow in my hair. Mom didn't like for me to get all dirty like the boys and I didn't think it was fair. But that would only get worse as I got older.
Oh boy, when I got into middle school and high school I would say I was definitely treated differently then my brothers. I'm not gonna lie, since I was the last child, my parents were a lot more laid back with me. I got to do a lot more then my brothers did in high school but there were some things I didn't get to do because I was a girl. And I could definitely tell the difference in my parents views of what was appropriate and what wasen't. My mom understood when I was asked to prom as a freshman and was so excited about about helping me pick out a dress! Dad on the other hand, thought I was too young and he didn't want me going out to prom with an older guy. Even though my dad praised my brothers whenever they hung out with girls. Thats when I saw a BIG difference of how girls and boys are looked at in society.
I remember me and Dad getting into a huge argument one time about me going out somewhere. I don't remember exactly what it was but I know my argument was that my brother got to do it when he was my age. And my dads exact response was "It's because your a girl!". I have never been so mad before in my life! Right then and there I realized how much more protective a father is over their daughter then their son. It's nice that I had a dad who cares about his little girl but in a sense his overprotectiveness is sexist.
But no matter what my parents views are on gender I am not afraid of "doing gender." I'm glad I am a woman and having two older brothers have made me understand both genders very well. I will always love being a woman and I will always love men!
My family tries their best to make sure everyone has equal opportunities. There is not one role that the men and women are expected to play. My parents never put any limitations on what we "should" do and what was expected. As long as we were successful in what we were doing and were happy doing it, that's all they could ask for. I think their thoughts towards the gender roles were perfect for my situation.
ReplyDeleteI have a twin brother. It is fun, different, exciting, and irritating all at the same time. When we were born my parents couldn't have been happier. They thought of it as getting a two for one deal, the best of both worlds. Growing up, I was a huge tomboy. I refused to wear dresses, play with dolls, or put bows in my hair. While many of my friends loved to read and play house I was more interested in playing soccer and making forts. I absolutely loved having a twin brother because I could do the "boyish" things with him and the "girlish" things with my friends.
I joined the cheerleading squad in 8th grade and that's when I really started acting like a girl. I wore makeup, styled my hair, and realized there really is a difference between the female and male attitudes on life. I realized I started caring about things that my brother didn't think twice about. I loved my friends and started looking at guys other than "just friends". When I started high school I had an incredible group of friends, both girls and guys.
Growing up, I realize that how my family dealt with the boy/girl twins situation could have been the best thing they have ever done. I learned social skills that are helpful in every aspect of life. I don't consider myself an emotional person, which is sometimes helpful when it comes to girl’s undeniable drama. I can get along with both genders without many issues, which I believe, helps me immensely in life.
When I think of doing gender I believe everyone has his or her own approach to this idea. Many people believe girls follow the men, are very emotional, wear pink, and are worried 24/7 about how they look. I think I am pretty much the opposite of that. Don't get me wrong, I love getting dressed up and being a girl but I follow my own path and ideas. The gender differences don't create a blockade for anything in my life but I also don’t have a problem with playing gender roles.
When I was a little girl my mom would always dress me up in dresses with matching bows, frilly little socks, and little shoes to match my outfit. I guess it never really bothered me when I was younger only because I was to young to dress myself and didn't really know what the difference was anyways. When I was about 5, I saw what my brother wore (he is 6 years older than me). He would always get to wear comfortable wind-shorts and t-shirts whenever he wanted. I always thought that it was unfair that he could got to be comfortable all the time, and I had to wear dresses and skirts anytime our family would go anywhere. My mom finally gave in and let me wear what I wanted because she thought it was just a phase. I loved doing girly things and playing dress up with my girlfriends, just not wearing dresses.
ReplyDeleteAt the age of 7, I walked outside in the front yard of our old house to find my dad and brother throwing the baseball. I immediately jumped in and wanted to play catch too. My brother told me to go inside and that baseball was a "boys sport". My dad finally rolled the baseball to me once because he figured it would shut me up and that I would realize it wasn't fun throwing the ball. Well to everyones surprise I threw the ball back and was actually really good. I will never forget that moment because that is what lead me to play softball. Not only did the sport come natural to me but it was something that took a lot of effort, dedication and skill. I loved the fact that I was good at softball because it made my guy friends realize that girls can be just as good at something just like guys are. I played softball for 10 years and made the varsity team as a freshman. It was the biggest accomplishment that I had ever made.
Although I loved softball so much, I got older and found other things that were more fun and more important to me. I still loved to play sports on the side if I wasn't busy with something else. I feel like I "do gender" in the sense that I love to get all dressed up, wear something cute and trendy, and feel pretty. But at the same time I am not scared of going out in an old ratty t-shirt and being the tomboy that I once was growing up. Eventually my mom supported me no matter what sports I played or what I wanted to wear. It doesn't change my gender or who I was as a person. It was just me being me!
I am my parent's only child so they went all out on me. I have a very feminine name (after my grandmother) and I was always dressed up in pink, ruffles and dresses. I'm sure my mom was thrilled to have a girl she could dress up as she pleased. Although my mom dressed me until I was like 7 or so, I was never 'expected' to be anyone but myself. I definitely embraced the girliness and still do today. I am the way I am now thanks to my momma.
ReplyDeleteI've never really felt a limitation or a restraint with gender assumptions because I was an only child. Unlike @Emily Turney, I never had a run-in with a brother and father relationship. I was a Mom and Daddy's girl 24/7 and always had their attention.
The way I 'do gender' is embrace my girliness again. I like to dress up, go out with my girlfriends and have a great time. But just because I like to dress up doesn't mean I don't like to chill in sweats and t-shirts. I am so glad I'm a woman because it is so much fun!
I've learned to be a strong woman through my mother, she "does gender" all the time. She has let me be me, which I'm not ashamed of.
In my family I don’t think my parents push gender because my brothers and I are the perfect mix of my parents. My mom would be the opposite of a feminist in my opinion she has never been assertive and she just is a go with the flow kind of mom. My dad on the other hand speaks his mind and pushes the idea that what you work for in life is what you get. I think that’s how gender is sort of what gender you push and present to people is what they will see you as. I am the youngest of 3, with two older brothers with a little bit of age difference 6-8 years and no I’m not the oh uh baby I was ironically the planned one… When I was younger my mom tried to make me as girly as she could by enrolling me into dance, a long with putting a stupid bow in my hair until I was smart enough to learn how to take them out. When I was in the first grade she got my ears pierced I wasn’t so happy with her because I thought was too girly and slightly painful. I was the mere image of what my mom dreamed of a little blonde girl, blue eyes, always wearing pink, bows in my hair, and a ballerina.
ReplyDeleteWhen I moved from Canada to Georgia I was discovering new things that would be concerted boyish. In Canada most of my friends were girls minus the handful of guy friends I had in preschool. While my brothers got older and became interested in doing more things that were typically for boys. At the age of 10 I quit dance because I thought it was too girly for a tomboy to participate in. I mainly played any sport that a boy play soccer, tennis, and basketball. I didn’t like wearing skirts or dresses anymore I was completely into shorts and that was it. I stopped wearing nail polish, playing with my Barbie, and dress up I was more into playing lava man or manhunt and sliding in the mud during the rain. At one point 90% of my friends had a brother in their family so typically we all were pretty tomboyish in out elementary years. I also went through a chubby phase during the 5th – 8th grade which help push me father away from being super girly, dressing up cute, or putting on make up.
In the last few months of middle school a friend of mine convinced me to try-out from freshman cheerleading. I figured I’d give it a try maybe it would be good for me and help me be more girlish like my mother so dreamed for. I made the cheer team and in the summer we had a huge sleep over at one of the girls house from that night on I decided I wanted to be more girl and cutesy in high school. At the end of summer I lost of chubby weight as me and my friends like to call which maybe my whole idea of being more girly a reality. I started wearing a little bit of makeup to school like mascara and lip-gloss. As the years went on and the more I cheered the more of a woman I became. I always dressed nice to school I only wore shorts and t-shirts to school before and after my knee surgery. I started getting my nails done on a monthly basis getting a few highlights to my hair every here and there. I truly believe that if I hadn’t started cheering or met my best friends I would’ve probably stayed a tomboy 80% of my high school career.
Now a freshman at college I don’t define myself as a girly girl or a tomboy I define myself as a young woman. I’m someone who gets all dolled up for dances, parties, and nights out with the girls. Days I’m just going to class or hanging around the sorority house I wear my typical attire a t-shirt, shorts, or yoga crops. I still have some one my boyish habits like burping in front of my good friends, wrestling with my brothers, and biting my nails. I think gender is something we choose to do we pick how we went others to see our gender. I choose to be a woman that’s girly but yet knows when to bring out the boyish part inside me. I like to cheer, dress up, make-up, wrestle, play in the rain and workout; to point were I sweat so I actually accomplished something. I am who I am because of were I started from my friends, boyfriend, and parents love me just the way I am; I wouldn’t ask for it any other way!
@Alex Mays I know how you feel about originally being named as a boy my parents had named me Hunter Taylor McNeil until I was literally born.
ReplyDeleteThe statement “one is not born a woman; one becomes a woman” is controversial to me. To me woman should be replaced with lady. In my opinion there is a difference between a “woman” and a “lady”. There are many different types of women in our world. However a lady is classy, well mannered, and feminine. One can become a lady, in other words like my mother always told me: “Act like a lady”. These lady-like mannerisms can be taught and learned. One cannot become a woman. It is obvious that a female is born a woman. I know all the transgender and all those issues arise but technically no matter the surgery or whatever else they are still born a man.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was in the womb the doctors could not figure out if I was a boy or a girl because I had my legs crossed. I was expected to be a boy during my mother’s pregnancy. Luckily, my parents found out I was going to be a girl before it came time for me to enter this world. I did not have hair on my head until I was a toddler. If it wasn’t for the bows somehow attached on my bald head, lace socks, and matching my sister’s clothes, I think people would have thought I was a boy.
I am the second youngest child between my three other sisters. All four of us are a year apart. My parents never had limitations or restraints on the things that we did when we were younger. Of course there were those certain days that we were dressed to a T and could not make mud pies outside until we were in our “outside clothes”, but we were never retrained from doing things. We were however taught to act like girls and not run around without a shirt or wrestle or do those kind of boy like things, but I would not consider that a restraint. We did not want to do those things; instead when we were younger we would play with Barbie dolls or play house and as we got older we would dress up, make up dance routines, and pretend to be the Spice Girls or Brtiney Spears (her “oops, I did it again” phase).
When we were at the age of being able to do sports we all four chose some of the same things and some different things. I did more of the dance, gymnastics, and cheerleading kind of thing, while my other sisters chose soccer or basketball. My parents did not choose a sport for us, but they did encourage us to be involved in something. Throughout middle school and high school I stayed involved in cheerleading. Not only was it something for me to do, but it was the way to meet many girls that I am still friends with today. I then got involved in track, because I liked running and doing it for the exercise. I was the little blonde one with the hot pink sparkly spikes. In my first track meet I was in the first heat in the one hundred yard sprint. I was up against some pretty tough, competitive looking girls. When they were all warming up and stretching, I was fixing my hair. My mom sat in the crowd and thought to herself, “Oh God! What is Coach Mize thinking putting her in this heat!” She even heard other people in the stands joking about the same thing. When the race started, the crowd, including my mother was shocked at how fast I was. I came in second, behind the girl who later got a track scholarship. I was always known as the girly girl and after that, people’s perspective changed towards me. One thing that my mom did make me do was Perfectly Polished. It was a class that taught manners and how to act like a lady. I hated it! I begged her not to make me do it. All of my sisters did it, so I had to do it. Even though I was miserable I did the classes and learned how to have manners while eating and speaking to people. My Nanna and mother always said “pretty is as pretty does”. Someone can be beautiful and have it all but if they are unladylike and mean their true colors show.
Dressing up, looking presentable, and doing my best to act like the lady my parents brought me up to be is how I would consider the way I “do gender”. I am glad that I have parents who cared about me to instill these qualities and I hope they are proud of the LADY I have grown up to be.
@Alex Mays and Taylor.Ann -- I was supposed to be a boy too, Thomas J Rissanen!!!
ReplyDelete@AnnetteFarrell -- I love getting dressed up and having girls nights but I definitely agree, just because we like that doesn't mean we can't relax in compfy sweats! :)
ReplyDeleteI am the oldest of two girls. I grew up wearing big bows and matching my little sister in our girly outfits, so gender definition was never really an issue in my house. I still love to dress up A LOT, but as i've gotten older i've grown to love tee shirts and sweatpants.I played with barbies, was boy-crazy all through middle school, and I was a cheerleader my entire life. My mother has never been one to try to be the "leader" of the house and what not, she compromises with my father and they work as a team. While growing up I was very much a girly girl, I went hunting and fishing with my dad and I have continued that hobby today. Some of my friends were tomboys and some of my friends were very girly. I never really liked to play sports such as basketball and softball so I cheered and danced my whole life. I have never really strayed away from the girly-girl stage, or really had any desire to be a tomboy. Even though i'm very much a girl I do have a lot of guy friends and I seem to be more down to earth when I am with them, but I wouldn't trade my girl friends for anything. I think having a mix of guy and girl friends really helps growing up because little girls are always catty and sometimes you just need a break and to just be chill and you can hang around drama-free guys. The hardest part of being a girl growing up not around any boys was that I didn't grow up very tough, I had to go through all the catty middle school dramas and hateful words, which, in my opinion can be a lot worse than how boys deal with drama (fight and get over it.) While some peoples words really hurt me and some things I had to go through were really hard, I wouldn't trade it for anything and all of that helped shape me into the woman I am today.
ReplyDeleteI am the youngest of the four girls my mother gave birth to. In fact she never wanted girls because she said she couldn’t do girls’ hair. She always wanted four boys but surprise, surprise. After delivering three girls she hoped I would be a little boy. She even picked out a name for me. It was some crazy name for jock in French, and after hearing that I was glad I came out a girl.
ReplyDeleteFrom the time I was little my boyish features made me a target for mockery. Now, when I look back I actually laugh at the things people use to say, but then it wasn’t so funny. I remember going to the park with my sisters when I was five and a couple of my sister’s guy friends would call me over to point out how they thought I looked like Martin Lawrence. Martin Lawrence, What? I was known to then as Kendrah’s little sister Martin Jr. That wasn’t the first or last time that I had been made fun of for resembling a boy. My mother’s good friend would say that I was a boy just to make me holler and scream, demanding that I was a girl. That’s probably why my mother made me wear earrings and bows in my hair. I never thought of myself as too much of a girl and definitely as a boy although I had some boyish ways. I played with dolls but loved venturing out, picking up frogs, falling down and scraping my legs up. I was told I would have horrible legs, not that it mattered to me then. I loved power rangers and I even had a power ranger watch of my favorite red ranger Tommy. Mornings were horrible for my mother because I threw tantrums if my socks weren’t folded correctly with the laced top folded under, or if I couldn’t wear a dress like she wore to work. She finally put a dress on me and it was the most uncomfortable day of head start. I was too rough for dresses and I think my mom knew that.
In my elementary days I was still a tomboy. I built a tree fort with my summer friend Addie and played street ball with a stick and rocks with my Virgin Island friend. I ran with the boys. My mom found it surprising when I wanted a pair of flip flops since the only shoe in my vocabulary was sneakers. I was the first pick in kickball or racing with the guys. I was one of the guys. Everyone scooted outfield instead of infield like they usually did when most girls come to kick. Everything changed in Jr. High.
I cared nothing about appearance in my early teenage years, but the bugs, rooftop chats, and amphibians had to go if I wanted to fit in. My mom started to suggest that I talk on the phone, go to the movies, or hang out with friends. The only thing she loved was that I wasn’t boy crazy. I eventually got into boys and I had to leave all of those boyish things behind if I wanted to get noticed. My pants got tighter; I got my hair cut and styled, and started to wear earrings. It was hard to refrain from playing basketball to just sitting around and gossiping about boys. As I grew up make-up, nails, homecoming, and prom were the next best things. Sneakers turned to heels and boots and would suggest it was primarily because of the opinions of others and how they think I should look. Sometimes I can care less about how I look, but not as much anymore. I am me reguardless of whatever anyone has to say!
@ Taylor Ann- My mom never really pushed gender either. Sure she had her comments here and there, but never forced me to do "girly" stuff. She knew I would come around eventually and basically let me be my own individual
ReplyDelete@ Anneette- It is fun to dress up and be beautiful, but it's just a fun to wear our chill attire also. Yeah you are right it is fun to be a woman. We can achieve both the "I want all eyes on me," and the "I just don't really care today" look and still carry ourselves with confidence!
ReplyDeleteMy mom had me when she was only nineteen years old so I guess you could say I was a mistake even though she's never looked at it that way. She's always referred to me as "the best mistake she ever made". After being married to my dad for only two and a half years she made the decision to leave him. Then it was only me and her against the world. At the time she didn't have two dimes to rub together, and without any help from anyone else (not even her own mother) she made it.
ReplyDeleteMy mother has made me the strong, proud, independent woman I am today. After years of watching her push through all those obstacles, it taught me that you don't need a man to take care of you because woman are more than capable of taking care of themselves. I can still hear her in my head telling me what she told me all the time when I was growing up (more in high school than any other time)"You will never need a man, it's okay to fall in love, but don't you ever depend on any man in any way whether its financialy or just to be happy". She never tried to dress me in dresses if I wanted to wear jeans and a shirt. I have always felt that I can do anything if I put my mind to it because thats how I was raised.
Now she has been remarried to my stepdad for 8 years and she has two more beautiful girls. I watch her every day teach my baby sisters the same things she has taught me since I was their age. I see that same strength in them every day that she passed on to me. In my household my stepdad is definitely out numbered, but not only by four woman he's out numbered by four amazingly strong woman and that's how it will always be... and that's how I "do gender".
Well to be honest, I don't have a good story about when I was born because they knew I was going to be a girl so there was no fun in that! But for me growing up I was the total opposite of a girl. I have an older sister who is two years older than me so my parents had experienced a girl before, but I was very different than my sister. Growing up my sister was in love with "Barbie"! Me, sadly I fell in love with the power rangers. My parents tried to break me out of the habit of watching that show every saturday morning and be alittle envolved with dolls, but that just wasnt me. I mean dont get me wrong I wasn't a total guy, I still loved purses and jewlery when I was younger. Then my parents had my little brother John Daivd which allowed me to have a buddy to play with since my sister was a total girly girl. TO sum up my childhood, for christmas one year I got a hot pink dirtbike that I loved for the longest time and I ended up playing basketball and soccer-hated cheerleading. My first wake up call being such a tom-boy was my first day of fifth grade. I walked into the class and became best friends with this girl in my class. She wore the HUGE bows in her hair and loved cheerleading, so I didnt know how long our friendship would last but it did. She definitely made me realize how much stuff I was missing out on being such a tom-boy. So I began to wear bows in my hair and get my nails done and my mom signed me up for cheerleading. To make a long story short I loved everything about being so girly! I look back now and think how funny it is because no one ever made fun of me because I was like a dude, but they loved me for that. I was the girlfriend that didnt want to go out on dates but would be satisfied playing basketball in the backyard. But the scarey thing now is that kids do get made fun of for stuff like that when in reality they are just being themselves. Still to this day I have more guy friends than I do girlfriends, which I can see being weird but I actually love it! My guy friends like having such a good girl "friend" as well because they always ask me, What to say to a gril or how to ask a girl out, its really kind of funny. But the way I "do gender" is just be myself, So many people shape the way they are because of pressure to be a certain way. I do want to say that I am definitely in love with clothes, shoes, makeup, and tanning; so my parents are paying for it now, I know its very cliche to say "be who you are", but it really is something that is so true and everyone should grasp it!
ReplyDeleteWhen my parents first found out that they were having a girl, my mom was ecstatic! But my dad on the other hand was very disappointed. He really wanted his first child to be a boy so that he could name him after himself. Once I was born my mother dressed me as your typical girly-girl. I had bows and ribbons everywhere, dresses for days, little socks with ruffles on them. Just the ultimate little girl. I was very spoiled as a young child, especially during the time period that I was an only child. But almost 3 years after I was born, my mom had a a baby boy and my dad finally got his "Jr." This is when a lot started changing for me.
ReplyDeleteI have and always will be a "daddys girl" so you can only imagine my disappointment as a young child about now having to share my parents with a brother. That didn't sit with me too well. My mom still treated me the same but my relationship with my dad changed. It became all about him & his son. They did everything together and when I asked why he never did anything with me anymore, he responded and said "because we do things that girls cant do." So I said, "like what?" and he told me "like playing sports. You know football, basketball and baseball." From that point forward is when I became familiar with gender identity.
After that incident my dad always made me feel as though girls just couldn't do the things guys could do. So I stuck to more "female-based" activites, such as cheering, dancing, and running track. Apart of me always wanted to play basketball but because of the conversation my dad had with me early on in my childhood, it influenced my decision to not play basketball. I remember telling myself that i'm never going to limit my kids from participating in different activites just because of their gender, and I stand firmly behind that.
The way I "do gender" is by remaining true to myself. Through these 18 years of growing up, I have experienced that its much easier to just be yourself. Trying to be something that you're not is pointless and normally it doesnt work anyways because people end up seeing your true colors. Remaining a lady at all times, representing myself and standards in a positive aspect, and being classy is the way "I do gender."
@MallorieG: Its so funny how you changed so drastically in such a short period of time lol. Do you ever think about going back to your boyish ways?
ReplyDeleteIt’s a girl! The doctors yelled when I entered the world on November 24, 1990. I was the only child for many years. I instantly formed a close relationship with my father. Over the years I became a daddy’s girl. He was a die heart sports fan. With that being said, I became a die heart sports fan. To express my love for sports during my elementary school years, I ran track for the neighborhood community team. My daddy was my number one fan. I was outrageously fast for an eight year old, even faster than some of the boys on the team.
ReplyDeleteSports and school was my life all through junior high. I ran track, played softball and I even asked the football coach could I play; he nicely told me no. I maintained a “B” average all three years. I never had time to worry about boys and girlie drama. Most of my friends were guys, because girls were either intimidated by me or talking about me. In eighth grade I had my first crush, he told me I was cool and he thought of me like one of his homeboys. I did not want to be considered as a homeboy forever. So freshmen year in high I tried out for cheerleading and made it. Many people were shock to see the neighborhood tomboy as a cheerleader.
“You look cute in that cheerleading uniform Amanda”, guys said. That’s all it took to set off my feminine ways. I liked the compliments so much that I started doing feminine things more often, things like wearing make-up and painting my nails; I asked my dad to buy me high heels that Christmas, he laughed and said “My little girl does not like sports anymore”. In tenth grade it happened, I finally got a boyfriend. I asked him, what made you go out with me? He said “I thought you were pretty” In my head I thought so I was not pretty in junior high when I was being myself around you. He only went out with me to say he went with a cheerleader.
As of today I love being me. Without the head aches and heartbreaks in my younger years, I would not have grown up to be the wise woman I am today. I now see how boys being boys and girls being girls being shape our gender construction. I still participate in sports and give guys double takes from time to time. I love dressing up on the weekends and hanging out with my friends; I consider this how I “do gender”. I would not challenge anything about gender differences, because we need individuality to make life ingesting and to make the getting to know you process something to investigate.
@TariahHunt: I'm sure your mother was relieved when you got into the more girlier things but she probably wished things could've stayed the same in the "boys" category lol.
ReplyDeleteWhen my mom got pregnant she was hoping that I would be a little boy. They even have the name Michael picked out instead of Malori. When they found out they were having a little girl they didn't even have a name picked out so my mom saw my name on the back of a liscense plate and thought it looked cool. I guess it's pretty obvious from the weird spelling. Once I arrive they were more excited than ever. My mom tried dressing me in big bows and frilly little dresses but id pitch fits because I'd rather be in pants.
ReplyDeleteAll throughout elementary school i lived in a neighborhood where I always played with two girls two years older than me. I looked up to them because they were older. They were tomboys and were always outside playing. Since I looked up to them of I did the same so I quite a tomboy when I was a child. Until my mom put me into gymnastics classes when I was eight.
By doing gymnastics for many years it led me to tryout for cheerleading in middle school. So from middle school on I cheered throughout school. Naturally I began to wear make-up and find boys cute. Now Im the complete opposite than what I was as a child. Now I always wear dresses and fix my hair.
One thing I learned as I got older is my mom never played the typical "mom" role. Normally many people the dad would handle all the bills and money since he is making it. Its the total opposite in my household. My mom handles all the money and gives my dad an allowance each week to spend. So really my mom is dominant over my dad in my house. Also I have a brother ten years younger than me. So I remember him since he was baby. My dad would sometimes keep and take care of him more than my mom because she would be busy with work or other things. This is typically unusual too for men.
@ Alex Mays- I was supposed to be a boy too AND my parents already had a name picked out. Thank goodness we turned out to be girls!
ReplyDeleteWhen my mother was pregnant with me her and my father decided not to find out if I was going to be a boy or a girl, they had two names picked out already so that they would be prepared. I’m pretty sure they wanted me to be a girl though because i have a brother that is in between me and my sister and I know they probably didn’t want to go through that again. But to their surprise, when I was a child I was not girly at all. I always followed in my brothers footsteps and would go out of my way to make sure I could hang out with him and his friends (even though he hated it). I rode dirt bikes with them, went in to the woods with them, and even went to the extent of going to football practice with them and actually participating in the practice. My dad loved it but im sure my mom wasn’t too happy to hae another little “boy” running around.
ReplyDeleteEven though I did all of those boyish things I still cheered as a little girl. I started off as the mascot for the older girls (which is basically their little sister) and as I got old enough I started cheering with girls my own age. We competed in cheerleading competitions every year and surprisingly did very good. As I entered middle school I still had my boyish tendencies, but I was starting to find out who I really was. After trying out for softball in 6th grade, cheerleading in 7th grade, I didn’t make either one and felt like I wasn’t good at anything that I grew up doing. Finally, in 8th grade, I came home and told my parents I had decided to try out for dance, it was the first dance team our middle school ever had and I was so excited. My parents were shocked when they heard this because I had never had a single dance lesson my whole life and I know they just sat there and thought “great, here comes another disappointment.” But I went through tryouts anyways and to everyone’s surprise I made the team and had never been happier.
After making the dance team and going to a Nationals competition in Orlando and placing 7th in the nation, I had a great 8th grade year. I was finally in high school and more girly than ever. My 10th grade year I made the high schools dance line and finally felt like a “girl.” My parents finally had their “little girl” and I was growing up faster than they ever thought.
I am now all grown up and in college, I have gone through many friends and finally found my place in life and the people im suppose to be around. After going through my “boy” stage I realized I can actually act like a girl and boy (haha). I “do gender” by being myself and wearing the clothes I want, my hair the way I want, and wearing the make ups I want. It shows that I am a girl but I can still be cool around all the guys.
@Tariah Hunt I guess my mom pushed them because the doctors told her my brothers were going to be girls yeah so much for them being girls ha but I like the fact my mom kinda pushed girly things on me if not I wouldn't be so diverse I think plus I think it's sorta funny because she got what she wanted in the end a semi girly daughter.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was growing up I had three key women who inscribed gender into my life. I wasn’t born a lady, I was made into one. This took my two sister, my mother, society, media and growing up in a school around females to instill this in me. I was always being dressed or helped with what to wear. I never judged, never said no, but I let myself become into a lady and to someone my mom wanted me to become. I didn’t grow up with expectations more so with obvious reasons and ways to behave. I was always brought up with good manners, hygiene, and dressing as a lady.
ReplyDeleteAs growing into a lady there are always going to be obstacles and emotions that will make you feel limited. When I was growing up I played sports, all kinds and all year round. But the problem with this was men and others around didn’t respect it as much if you were a boy in the sports world. They just assumed it was easier and not as challenging. However as I grew up I gave time and one hundred percent dedication to the sports that I loved. This didn’t make me not a women or a lady this just made me athletic but some didn’t seem to think s.
I “do gender” as I continue to grow and mature everyday. There is not a day, week, month, of year that has gone by that I have not furthered into becoming a better person or women. I am now 19 years old and am far more a women then I was at 18. The dominant scripts are always going to be your peers. These people will always challenge our gender and further you to expect a certain something to fulfill the stereotype of being a women. These people come from all around you and go as far as the media. We are challenged everyday. By what we wear, our make up, hair, head to toe. But at the end of the day it makes us the women we are because if we never had to fight these obstacles we wouldn’t be such strong people. The women stereotype would be so degrading and nothing of what it is today. It just makes us women popular, im flattered people care about our gender so much!
@amanda harrison - seems like we were brought up much similarily, i never was not active in sport. but when i entered high school i still played sports but it seems things changed because of cute guys and what not.. by cheerleading do you think that helped you fit in or was it something you did for yourself? my mom always wanted me to cheer and be like that but i never got into but defiantly thought about it!
ReplyDelete@ Lauren R.- ha actually I do still tend to have my boyish ways. Me and my boyfriend have been together for around 5 years and he still loves the fact that I know about sports and all that "guy" stuff. And it is very true how fast I changed but trust me I still love to be outdoors and play basketball still. And its so funny because I to was a daddys girl-still am.
ReplyDeleteI was born into this world as a female. As a young baby it is hard to "do gender" but my mom expressed my gender for me and showered me with pink blankets, lacy dresses and a bow to match every outfit that I owned. As I grew into my toddler years, I began to realize the differences between boys and girls. The boys in my preschool class would chew on the play blocks and throw them at each other while me and my girl friends would build castles for our princess barbies to live in. I began collecting porcelain dolls at a very young age and became obsessed with taking care of them and making sure that they always looked perfect.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was two and a half, my baby brother was born. I loved taking care of him when he was little and pretending to act with him how I perceived my mom acted towards me. But when he got older and demanded more attention from my parents than I did, I became jealous and confused about gender. I thought they liked him more because he was a boy; I didn't understand that it was just because he was in a stage that required more attention. I decided that I was going to try and act like boys. I played in the dirt, made all boy friends and refused to brush my hair. It was a complete 180 of how I had been before my brother.
When I became old enough to realize that it was not gender that caused my parents to notice me less, I instantly fell back into my girly state and started "doing gender" and participating in gender norms. I cheered for eight years of my life both competitively and on the sidelines. Cheerleading is a female directed sport and we took time to do our makeup and hair. Presentation was a very big part of it. I also began to take time to straighten my hair, I loved to put on make-up and shopping and putting together cute outfits became something I thoroughly enjoyed. Today, I like to dress nicely and put make-up on almost every day. I love to wear jewelry and have multiple piercings in both of my ears. I am obsessed with perfumes and wear it every single time I leave my room, even when I go to the gym. I care about taking care of my body and keeping a healthy weight by working out. While I sometime joke about wanting to be a boy to avoid the emotions girls hold, I could never imagine not being and acting like a girl is perceived to.
@ Lauren- YEA! I think she did wish that I was still into my boyish ways, not that it matters now because I'm married. I think she was more relieved that I got out of that stage because she was tired of all the bugs I was bringing into the house. lol. She was more happy about that than anything.
ReplyDelete@AlexMays and @Taylor.Ann i was supposed to be a boy too.. Bryant!
ReplyDelete@Jill Krieger I agree.. the only time I wish I was a boy is when I get emotional!
ReplyDelete@Jill Kriger Your mom sounds a lot like my mom when it came to dressing you! My mom would not let me out of the house without a dress on and bow im my hair! I was such a little diva when I was younger all because of her!
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a little girl I played every sport possible. I was on co-ed teams for everything I did, so I never really thought much about the difference between girls and boys. Even though I was never much of a tom boy, I always felt excepted by all the boys. My mom also put me in cheerleading and dance which is what I excelled in the most and she loved getting me ready for these events, even though she was never very good at doing my hair and make-up and I would always yell at her until it was perfect.
ReplyDeleteI never really felt any limitations or restrictions because of my gender, I believed that everyone was treated the same. For most of elementary school I went to a private catholic school with a dress code so everyone pretty much looked the same every day. When I was that age I never really thought much about growing up and being a lady. My mother was a very successful business women so I never thought much about women being discriminated against in the work force until I was old enough to truly understand what it was. Some peoples families were probably a bit different than mine, both of my parents worked and were both successful but my father was never intimidated by my mother for being a working women. We were not the type of family where the mother would make dinner every night (even though now I wish she did instead of me ordering take out).
Now that I am an adult, I "do gender" in many different ways. I am very proud of who I am and who my mother is and I love learning about all the women that fought for our rights and have given me such a great life that would be completely different if it was not for them. In college, the way that I "do gender" is somewhat by being in a sorority, having all of these great people that are women surrounding me is a great feeling. Knowing that if I were to ever need anything one of them would be there in a heartbeat is very empowering and terrific.
The most dominate script that influence my "do gender" is my mother. She taught me that no matter what if I try my hardest, I can succeed at whatever I want. My mother knew what she wanted and went for it and now she is one of the top people in her company and is respected by all of her peers. Not only is she a great business women but I do not think that I could of asked for a better mother. Sure sometimes when we would get in to fights I would throw in her face that she has not been around enough to yell at me, but that was just to get to her because the truth was that I could never respect anyone person more. I never really challenge gender normativity because I do not feel held back from anything that I truly want to be.
I was born into a typical nuclear family with a mom and a dad and two kids. My parents never told us that we couldn’t do something because we were girls. Whenever my dad tackled a project, like building or fixing something, I was his assistant. He didn’t want me to be a boy, but he still expected me to fulfill the typical duties of a son. I wanted to prove that I could do anything despite the fact that I was a girl. I refused to believe that I was less capable than a boy.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was younger, I prided myself on the fact that I was both intelligent and athletic, a combination that set me apart from the other girls with their skinny arms who couldn’t do three pull ups in gym class. I wanted to be an example of a girl who could do anything, but when it came to my physical strength, I never got the chance to prove myself. Whenever a teacher needed a heavy box carried to the office, or if a coach needed help setting up equipment, they always picked a boy to do the job. I was an outdoor kid, climbing trees and rocks and playing for hours in the creek behind my house. I was adventurous and imaginative and curious about the world around me. I was expected to be polite and intelligent, creative, and witty. My parents never told me what to believe; they made sure I was educated, but they let me form my own opinions. I liked wearing hair bows and dresses, but I loved my Mako shark shorts and red Keds, too.
When I was 12, I got into an argument with my history teacher while on a camping trip. She had punished a group of boys in a way that I thought was vastly unfair, so I told her that she was being too harsh. When all the adult chaperones teamed up on me and tried to convince me that the punishment was reasonable, I countered with the assertion that if the kids in question had been girls instead of boys, the whole issue would have been dealt with in a quieter, milder way, and that the punishment would not have been as severe. I pointed out to my teachers that the way they handled girls and boys in the classroom was fundamentally different. In the end, my history teacher cried and admitted that I was right, then apologized to me, and even though I had won the argument, it didn’t feel like a victory. Had I been wrong to challenge the status quo? If standing up for what I believe in hurt people like it had hurt my teacher (a very sweet lady) then was it the right thing to do?
I changed from an independent, strong-willed, vivacious little girl to an insecure, angsty, shy teenager. My teenage years were painful and difficult. Other girls were trendy, mean, and judgmental. If you didn’t fit their idea of what a girl should be like (a carbon copy of them, basically) then you were deemed undeserving of their kindness, and therefore not worthy of any attention from boys, either. I became unhappy with my body for the first time. My mother was always image-conscious, and because we have very similar body types, I saw all of the things that she didn’t like about her body reflected in mine. I went through a phase in high school where I wore jeans and t-shirts and converse every day of the week, and I felt totally and completely ugly every single day.
In some ways I’m no better than your average Seventeen reader. I wear makeup and “cute” clothes and shave my legs to feel pretty and to be accepted by society. However, I think the most important difference between myself and the girls who take whatever advice spills forth from the glossy pages of their favorite teen mag is that I have never changed my personality to fit in. I’m never going to stop being who I am just to “snag” a boy, or to make people like me, because they wouldn’t be friends with me, they’d be friends with a false personality. I’ve never had a boyfriend, but I refuse to play coy or bat my lashes or act helpless or silly or stupid to get one. I may look like a woman, but I will probably resent you if you treat me like one. I want to be treated like a person with a brain in her head, whether I put on a dress and heels or jeans and a t-shirt.
@Samantha Adams: I can definitely understand wanting to be "one of the boys," and being the nerdy girl, too. I think that it's really admirable that you weren't afraid to be considered a nerd in high school. One of my favorite authors said, "Saying 'I notice you're a nerd' is like saying, 'Hey, I notice that you'd rather be intelligent than be stupid, that you'd rather be thoughtful than be vapid, that you believe that there are things that matter more than the arrest record of Lindsay Lohan. Why is that?'"
ReplyDelete@Alexa Verses: I was intrigued by your comment about school uniforms and how everybody looked the same. My schools never had dress codes, and I grew up with girls who were hardcore trend followers; clothing-obsessed, even. I often think about how my school days would have been so much better if we wore uniforms because so much energy was focused on appearance and so many negative emotions I had in middle school stemmed from dissatisfaction with my wardrobe.
ReplyDelete@Alexa Verses: I really enjoyed reading you blog as well, because it really was a lot different from everyone else's. The thing I enjoyed to was the fact that yall wore uniforms, but I have to admit that I am kind of happy we didnt have to wear those because I am known for losing everything I own. But I can def. see the fact of how it created a set of equalness in your school and how no one could be made fun of because of the clothes they wore. That was a huge deal in my High school and even middle school, which is sad but happens in most public schools! But I really loved yours!
ReplyDeleteJune 9, 1992, a baby girl by the name of Victoria Rashae' Arnold was born in Birmingham, Alabama at UAB hospital. My mother was so ecstatic to have finally bore me. After 12 long hours of hard labor, I was finally welcomed into the world! The doctor's placed a 5lb 6oz baby girl into my mother's hands, and there had flown tears of joy from my mother's eyes. I was my mother's first baby girl, and happened to be born three days after her birthday. Ever since the day that I can remember, my mother and I have been the best of friends.
ReplyDeleteFast forward a bit to kindergarten, and it was now time for me to begin to face what we know as "the real world." I remember not wanting to go to school because I was always the kid that watched everything and everyone, and would not say a word to a person until I scoped them out. Throughout my experiences with being in school, many occurrences with gender have become apparent with me: 1. in every school that I have gone to (whether it was for elementary school, middle school, high school, or college, I have found that the girls have always outnumbered the guys. 2. girls rarely encountered trouble with authority (it was usually the guys). 3. when parents ever found out about a child having sex, girls usually tend to be more prone to punishment than a guy. These things have often puzzled my thoughts, but these issues still remain even in life today on an everyday basis.
Most of my life, I have been surrounded by pretty much all guys. Coming from a family with four older brothers, and a herd of uncles and cousins who were not much older than me, I felt as though I had no choice but to learn a male's way of life. Even today, I am rarely hanging amongst any female friends; every day I'm with one of the guys, and not because I'm a tom-boy or anything of that nature, but more of the girl just loves to hang around guys more because typically they are less involved in "drama" per-say. Also, I just feel like the guys that I hang around tend to have more of a good time without any whining or complaining on a day-to-day basis; that's just me personally. Don't get me wrong though, there is nothing wrong with a female friend, I just rather be amongst the guys.
@Alex Mays
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that its true that we are not born women, we become them. Woman are strong, beautiful, independent and proud.We learn how to be all of these things as we get older and gain experience. My mom is a lot like yours and she has always taught me to be all of these things.
@ Alex Mays: I can see your standpoint on this issue but I can truly relate to your very last statement on being "one of the guys." I happen to be the very same way. Being nonchalant (only caring about what truly matters) and hanging out with guys happens to suit me best. I have no drama with the guys. And in your own way you still have the power of being a WOMAN.
ReplyDelete@Alexa Verses
ReplyDeleteI agree that having to wear school uniforms makes boys and girls feel equal, especially in high school when we're all trying to grow up in our own way. Now when I look back I wish that my school had to wear uniforms because it would've been a lot easier to get ready in the morning.
@Lauren McClusky: Although your story reflects me a lot we are also different, but in small aspects such as you being athletic. I was never the athletic type, but more of the girly type, but I wanted the fact that
ReplyDeleteI could do anything a guy could do to be known. You don't necessarily have to be a guy to try some of the things that guys do!
@Meg: I've been in the same fights with my parents before too... I feel like it's sexist but then you realize how much love a father has for his daughter. But in reality there are some places young women shouldn't go, or go alone to.
ReplyDelete@aecollum: I agree. I have always had more guy friends than girl friends. The dramatic middle school years were the worst for sure!
ReplyDelete@ssandel I really understand where your coming from because my parents got divorced when I was 4 and I grew up watching my mom take care of my brother and I without any help from anyone. And she also got remarried when I was in high school. Its cool how both our of moms seemed to be so strong! Thanks to them, we can be strong like them too!
ReplyDelete@Malori.Yarchak thats cool that you considered yourself a "tomboy" growing up, because I was too. I loved playing outside. I always looked up to older kids because I always thought they were so much cooler than I was.
ReplyDelete@aecollum I agree with everything you said. I think its harder for girls to go through fights because it is a lot more drama and I feel like it may hurt girls feelings alot more than boys. But because of that I think it makes girls stronger and stand up for themselves more.
ReplyDelete@Kate Rissanen I totally agree that the statement "one becomes a woman" is controversial. I think you show a good point that women become ladies, but not all women are ladies.
ReplyDelete@Victoria Arnold I also find it weird that girls get in more trouble than boys when their parents find out they are having sex. Another thing that I really don't understand, when a girl's boyfriend cheat on them or do something behind their back, they tend to get mad at the girl while totally forgetting that their boyfriend was involved in whatever happened too. It takes 2!
Both my mother, and my father raised me. Unfortunately my father was a hard worker and never left a dollar behind. This gave my mother more time to guide me while I was young. Being around my mother allowed me to become very protective over her. Although my mother loved sports, she did not like the fact of her son playing football at such an early age;but she saw football as a way for her only son to build up character and toughness.
ReplyDeleteAt the age of 6 I had begun to play football, and being that I was overweight put me in the tackle category pretty fast. Having this advantage over other people who were my age gave me a big head start. My mother barely approved of me playing tackle at such an early age. I think me playing football instilled a better built around man. Playing this sport allowed me to lose the fear of contact and build up my character.
My father had plenty of friends many of which were at least 15 years older than me. They all viewed me as part of their family. The fighting and aggravation I received from my father’s friend showed me how to become tougher man. These people played a very important role in my life over time.
There is always a point in life where one rebels. Towards my final years in high school I had begun to ask for more and more, but at the same time restraints started to become more abundant. Having friends helped a lot; once I had begun hanging with certain men, we all established how we did our gender. When it comes to challenging gender normativity, I see no point in challenging. A man is going to do what he wants and the woman is going to do what she wants.